Writers Diary #4

Welcome to Writers Diary! A place where you can find out about all my personal projects and writing experiences! Writers Diary is also a place to share your thoughts and stories of being a writer. Here, you'll also find writing advices, personal resource tools and book recommendations. Let's begin!

Welcome to the fourth edition of Writers Diary! (To read the previous editions, go here.) I know its been quite a gap between this and my last edition, but I have been working on my new website design and importing/editing my blog posts took more time than I thought it would. In this edition, I'm going over the importance of balancing your writing schedule with your everyday life priorities along with a book review and a short not from me.

Balancing your Writing Life: Conquering Procastination

“You can do anything, but not everything.” – David Allen

*This post was converted from text to speech I had a bunch of exams the past few weeks and my fingers literally feel like they're going to fall off any second. Text to Speech doesnt garantee correct grammer and it usually catches on to my filler words (Okay. Um. Yes. Right.) I've edited as much as I could and I'll revise it during the summer!

First things first, let's talk about procrastination. What is it? What isn't it and why? Exactly. Do we really procrastinate. So little bit of a definition for you, procrastination. It's not laziness. It's not, you know, necessarily, you know, being unmotivated or even avoiding procrastination is by definition. It means that you had the opportunity to do something earlier, but you chose not to. So say for example, you could file your taxes, right? You have the opportunity. So maybe it was last weekend and you're like, oh, I should really file my taxes. I should really get started with that bookkeeping, but you didn't do it. You didn't take advantage of that opportunity. That in itself is the act of procrastinating.

I think a lot of us can be busy, can have a lot going on, but then we say, oh, I'm procrastinating. But in reality that wasn't procrastination. You had those missed opportunities and if you have that's totally okay. I'm going to help you to unpack why that keeps happening because for many of us procrastination, isn't just something we do rarely, it's a habit it's becomes entrenched in our lives and it becomes the thing that. Stuck up on. So a lot of times when we talk about procrastination, we can think that, I'm just bad at time management.

Think about yourself. When you think about the cause of your procrastination, do you feel as if it's just because you're not good at productivity or maybe you're not good with managing your time? Like, oh, if only. I had more time in the day if only I was better at managing my time. I want you to break up with that thought right now, because procrastination is not, it's not bad. Time. Management is actually emotional mismanaged. So let's go through that cycle of procrastination. So you can see and understand how the habit works.

So say, for example, there's a task you need to do, whether it's something you planned, you know, or a goal that you've set or something that, you know, you should get done. You think about it and your emotions are triggered. So when we talk about emotional mismanagement, it is really. Not necessarily the task or the to-do itself, but rather how we feel about it, how the task makes us feel about ourselves, which is the root cause of procrastination. Whether it's stress, anxiety, whether it's shame and guilt for not getting to it earlier, Or feeling a lack of confidence, maybe it's even a fear of failure for some, it's a fear of success. It's a fear of the unknown. The fear of getting started, the fear of change.

There are so many reasons why we feel these emotions, those negative emotions about a task, So think about it for yourself. What is something, a goal or a plan that you have, but you just haven't gotten started. And I know immediately the excuses that we come up with. We can call them reasons why we haven't taken action could be, oh, you know, I just don't have the time. I'm just so busy. Oh, you know, it's just not the right time right now. Or, you know, I don't know how to get started. These are so many of the excuses that we come up with in our minds, but the reality is that.

Most of us can find a few minutes to get started on something if we really wanted to, but we get hung up on the emotions and those emotions trigger negative thought patterns. And then for all, you know, two seconds later, Spiraling and negative self-taught maybe it's limiting beliefs. Like, oh, I can't do that. I don't know how it doesn't matter if I do it anyways, things will never change. Oh, you know, why me? Why should I start that business? Or, oh, you know, I'll just, you know, I tried before and I I'll fail.

Do any of these thought patterns sound familiar to you? So that is all part of the emotional mismanagement. So it's really, and truly the emotions that we get caught up on. It's not necessarily the logistics of time management. It's not the logistics of. I'm not productive enough. It's these emotions.

Let's go through that cycle again, right at the stop we start with the task or the two we think about it. It sparks that negative emotion and we get stuck. And then that negative emotion makes us feel worse. So then we think about the thought again and all, we don't do it. And we get caught in the spin cycle of negative emotion being unable to step through and to do the thing that we want to.

Now that you know why you procrastinate and what procrastination is all about, let's talk about how can we, you know, face these negative emotions head on so that we can take action because yes, I really do believe that setting goals is important. Like goal setting is important, but we have to recognize that there is an emotional component to. That we have to also bring the emotion, bring the meaning, the whys, the intentions to it. And that is the only way that you're going to get out of the spin cycle and get to the action taking. I really hope this is all making sense to you.

When I talk about how can we take action? I want you to, when you're setting your goals or your plans, or maybe if you have already, I want you to take a compassionate, look at it, take a look at the goals and the plans that you have set and bring your emotions into it in asking yourself questions. Like, why do I want to achieve this? Why did I set this goal? What will it mean for me? How am I going to be emotionally invested? Does this matter to me? Is it enough because in the reality is that yes. Even if you push past procrastination and you're ready to start taking action, maybe you start. And there is that bit of excitement and we're like, oh yes, you would go. I'm going to do it. And I think a lot of us feel this way around new year's resolutions. We're on it for those first few days. But then the reality. Of how much grit and commitment is required and then resistance sets in again, that's why you really need to, instead of being stuck in emotional mismanagement, you need that emotional engagement and investment that's, what's going to get you through it. If we think about.

You know, the cycle of setting a goal, right? It's like a rollercoaster that excitement, you know, the, the terror, those negative emotions we feel when we procrastinate and we get to the top and there's that bit of, what am I doing, but, oh, I'm gonna do it anyways. And you're going down that first drop and that's the excitement and it's easy, but with every rollercoaster. There's that bit of that lull, right? Where you go down and to get up through the next hump and to keep the ride going, you got to just harness those emotions. Setting goals and actually slaying them is ensuring that those goals are ones that we actually really intrude at our core of our billing are being, you know, like our soul burns for them are like every ounce of us wants this.

We set goals based on the plans and the expectations of others, but is that really, and truly the goal that you want to set for yourself, right? How can we bring our emotions out of. Mismanagement into alignment so that instead of hindering our progress, they can fuel them. So I really encourage you to do some self reflection. You could even do journaling. You can talk to a friend, you can take that quiz. I

mentioned and start digging deep and figure out what is your, why? You know, maybe this is a phrase that you've heard, what's your purpose. But to me, purpose is like, can be big and scary. And it's like, oh, I don't know what my life purpose is. Like, do I really want to commit to that right now? Or, you know, can I just figure out what my why and my intention is. When we're setting a goal, I really encourage everyone to take a step back and to think about,, what is the intention behind this? What's my why. To me, an intention is almost your true north. So if you think about your life and the goals that you set for yourself in the past and the direction you're facing, That is very much your why it can be an, I am statement or an, I want statement it's. A true statement, but something that is for a lot of us, it's that tiny, quiet voice in our minds that we don't really allow ourselves to listen to or to engage with, which is why self-reflection journaling, having conversations with friends, like deep conversations.

Questions like, you know, are you happy? Do you feel successful? What would you do in your life? If you could do anything, what are those parts of you that you wish you could change the parts of your life? What would you be doing if you could do or be anything? And there were no limitations. These types of questions that can bring out these honest answers and trigger those deep emotions, whatever. Passion or excitement, you know, the caring and, you know, those feelings, that feeling of excitement. Cause remember the rollercoaster we got to get up there and we need those emotions. So when we're talking about, how do I go from procrastination to taking action? You want to bring those emotions into play.

And when you bring those emotions into play, it's a lot easier for you to take action. And one of my most favorite ways of taking action, this is my secret. My secret. I call it a take action ritual. And it's just a series of small actions that calm any negative thoughts and emotions that are keeping me away from doing the thing that I want to do that I need to do that I'm a hundred percent on board too, but just part of me is resisting because procrastination is a habit.

If you get caught in that cycle, you have to break the chain. You have to almost disconnect those negative emotions that keep you stuck. So when you have a take action ritual, instead of allowing the negative emotions to drive your negative thoughts and bring you down that spiral of procrastination and putting things off and not taking advantage of the opportunities you say, hold up, stop, stop, stop. I know how to break or break this disconnection or make that disconnection between my negative emotions and my lack of action. So that you can make those positive connections. So in a take action ritual, I'll share mine with you and I encourage you to also create your own. And for me, like, for example, you could start a take action ritual with one, reflecting on what your goal is. And even just having a moment of closing your eyes. Seeing yourself achieving your. What does it feel like, It's about those emotions. This is why practices like having a vision board or manifesting or so powerful because it's not necessarily about, you know, what you see, it's about getting in touch with those emotions of who you want to be your future self.

Whether it's five minutes from now that you, you just got started doing that thing that you've been putting off. What are those positive emotions? How is it going to feel? How amazing is it going to feel when you start taking action and see positive change in your life? So when you start feeling those emotions, now you bring the future emotions to you in the present, and that is how you can bring yourself into emotional alignment. So some of the more practical things that I do. Are I go and make a cup of tea or coffee. So yes, caffeine is great too, are getting me going, but it is almost like a meditative practice of feeling the kettle, putting it on, flicking the button, watching the water, boil, getting my teabag, you know, pouring the water and that little practice. It almost calms me down because I know something good is coming my cup of caffeine.

Then I will come right here to my desk . I'm going to grab my comfy blanket. I'm going to wrap it around myself. So I'm calming my physical body. I'm drinking my tea. I'm wrapped in a comfortable blanket. That's telling myself my nervous system that maybe wants to avoid this thing that I'm afraid of, or that I feel anxious or stressed about. So like comforting yourself. You're calming down your fear centers and all of us know how it feels when you're avoiding something When you don't want to do it when you're caught up in those negative thoughts.

The next thing I do is I press play on my Spotify playlist and just listening to that positive music really brings me into a better heads-up. Into emotional alignment. And then I am able to really, and truly start taking action. And another practice that I encourage you to start doing is okay. Instead of remember we talked about some of the reasons or excuses, why we don't take action, like, oh, I don't have enough time. It takes, I need all this time to get something done.

Here is another shift start thinking in terms of five minutes at a time or even two minutes. What can I do in two minutes? And I promise you, you can do a lot in two minutes at a time. You don't need hours and hours to get started. You don't need weeks and free time and time off work and nothing on the schedule. And it's gonna, when you realize this, you start to shift from looking for big open spaces of time. Instead, you start looking for those little gems of time. So whether it's you sitting in the parking lot, waiting for your. That 10 minutes. You're going to make use of that. You're gonna do something on your phone. That's productive that you've been putting off.

Or maybe if you need to exercise, you're gonna get up and just run around the car 10 times. Maybe it's realizing that when you come home from work and after you've eaten dinner, instead of watching TV, you're like, you know what, I'm going to give myself 10 minutes to work on my goal, or even just five minutes. Maybe it's realizing that, oh, if I just set my clock five minutes early, That's going to give myself time for journaling or whatever it is, however it is, you want to invest in yourself. So stop looking for the big chunks of time and start looking for those itty bitty morsels that are going to get you there because it is repetition. And it's showing up in those small moments that are going to help you to achieve your goals.

Make those few shifts, remember, just bring yourself into emotional alignment, figure out what is the intention behind your goal? What's your true north? Where are you aiming towards? And those few shifts. I promise you, they are going to start adding up and helping you to break that negative cycle of procrastination because it's a habit. And before you know it, you're going to be addicted to taking action, to taking advantage of every two and five minutes that you can find and to get to where you want to be in this life. All right. I really hope that this little chat was a little heart to heart that we've had is helpful to you, and that you're able to conquer procrastination. Set those goals that are in alignment with you and what you really, and truly want. Maybe I think a lot of us, what we really and truly want is almost the secret that we whisper to ourselves, you know, in those quiet moments when no one can hear it.

Book recommendation

The Cruel Prince

by Holly Black

At seven, Jude’s entire life imploded, leaving her orphaned and reliant on her kidnapper after being whisked away to live in Faerie. At seventeen, Jude wants nothing more than to fit in, despite her own mortality. But many of the Fae despise humans, especially the youngest son of the High King. Cunning, charming, cruel and wicked, Prince Cardan has a real mean streak when it comes to Jude. But the tides are changing. Swept into a deadly game of politics, Jude must stay one step ahead to come out victorious.

The Cruel Prince is centered around cutthroat fae, scheming royals and a Political Intrigue (of epic proportions). An all-round immersive novel.

What I loved the most was Jude's character, sure she's made a handful of questionable choices, but who doesn't? Not to Mention Prince Cardan coldness and hidden secrets mixing in with Jude's stubbornness and unfailing spirit makes a very satisfying enemies to lovers trope.

Over all, the book was amazing, the fantasy was illustrated so vividly that sometimes when I'm listening to my playlist I can envision Faerie being an actual place on a map, the plot was intensifying with all the political madness and magical surprises, the characters were well scripted and the writing style of Holly Black will be something I'll look forward to reading again.

A little note from me

When I was a kid, I quit a lot of things.

Piano.

(Because my younger sister memorized sonatas while I plinked out tunes from the beginner book.)

Guitar.

(Because the strings hurt my fingers.

Sewing.

(Because my dress looked nothing like the pattern cover.)

German.

(Because I sounded like a two-year old.)

Tennis.

(Because I couldn’t throw. Or catch. Or hit the ball.)

Baking

(Because I'd either burn or underbake it, with no inbetween's)

And I remember all my middle school report cards. Things my mother kept and recently returned to me. (I read them and threw them in the recycling bin.) Back then they didn’t grade us but put check marks in columns: Unsatisfactory, Satisfactory, Good, Very Good, Excellent.

You see, I wanted to be excellent. But I wasn’t. All my checkmarks were in the average zone. The comments from teachers saying: if only she tried a little harder.

But I did try.

And I didn’t get the results I wanted.

Music didn’t flow from my fingers. Tennis balls didn’t fly from my hands into the field (and the racket most certainly never cracked). Beautiful dresses didn’t leave the sewing machine. Edible cakes didn't come out of the oven. And all the tests I studied for, all the projects I cut and pasted onto cardboard, never amounted to more than a little tick in the Good or Very Good column.

So when I decided to become a writer, I thought: how hard can it be? I love stories. Anyone can write a story. Right?

The thing is, when I sat down to write my story and I couldn’t, I didn’t give up. I didn’t quit.

And I’m still amazed I didn’t.

Instead, I got curious.

I didn’t have to be excellent. (Although, believe me, I still wanted to be.)

I could do as Anne Lamott says and write messy first drafts.

I could do as Natalie Goldberg says and just write for ten minutes.

I could play with language. Fall absolutely in love with it. I could mine my heart and mind for memories and images I’d all but forgotten.

And then I could learn to weave story lines, develop characters, increase tension, understand subtext.

And I could write a book.

What I realize--many many filled notebooks, dozen unfinished drafts and a million story ideas later--is that I didn’t quit because writing has been a conscious journey.

I decided I’d do it. I committed to it. And I followed that commitment. Day after day after day.

So today, ask yourself how you're committing to your writing life.

Good Luck!